Miyuki and Sawamura's Ed Sheeran Playlist
by RomanticAnimeDreamer
Summary: Eijun finally falls and it's up to Miyuki to help him. To Ed Sheeran's music.


Sawamura Eijun "Save Myself" By Ed Sheeran

"_I gave all my oxygen to people that could breathe"_

I ran as fast as I could. I pitched as hard as I could. So why?! Dammit! Why am I still not good enough for the team! And all Furuya does is shrug his shoulders and leaves me behind again. Didn't he know I did all of this for him? For us? The roaring of the crowd falls on my shoulders. No longer do I enjoy the feeling of victory. Furuya is the ace. And this team does not play me as a relief pitcher anymore. I spend games on the bench. Yelling at my teammates half-heartedly.

"_I gave away my money and now we don't even speak"_

"Hey." Furuya said as I just came back from grocery shopping. "The rent is due tomorrow." And with that said he walks out the door off to go grab some drinks with the guys. Furuya doesn't talk to me like he used to our senior year at Seido.

"Ack!" I realized I needed to find money for the rent.

"_I drove miles and miles but would you do the same for me"_

Since it was winter break, I went back home to Nagano. It was refreshing. For the first three days. Receiving a phone call from Furuya had me packing up the old pick up truck and speeding back to Tokyo. I arrived to find him a gasping heap on the floor. Would he do the same for me?

"_Oh, honestly?"_

Maybe…not.

"_Offered up my shoulder just for you to cry upon"_

I drop all of my bags and rush forward to help him. I don't know the reason why he has panic attacks anymore. It used to be like my yips. He was afraid to pitch a meatball. But now? I don't have a clue. Instead I just hold him as his muffled sobs soak my shirt.

"_Gave you constant shelter and a bed to keep you warm"_

I let out a sigh and helped Furuya to his feet as we staggered to the bedroom. I laid him down and soon enough with a little soothing, he fell into a deep slumber.

"_They gave me the heartache and in return I gave a song_

_It goes on and on"_

Back in the living room, I picked up the guitar that my old man gave me when I graduated high school. Plucking a few strings. It sounded as hollow and defeated as I felt.

"_Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels_

_I drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills"_

Looking over at the kitchen, I see the beer bottles strewn across the counter. So that's what he's been doing. It explained a lot. Was that the only way he could tolerate being around me these days?

"_And all the ones that love me, they just left me on the shelf, no farewell"_

During classes, a week later, I noticed that I haven't kept up with anyone from my days at Seido. I wonder how they all are. I had messaged all of them when I first entered college, but I guess they were all busy. No one responded.

"_So before I save someone else, I've got to save myself"_

I tug on my hair in frustration. I'm not…happy.

"_I gave you all my energy and I took away your pain"_

Short, heavy breaths came out of Furuya's mouth. To this day, he still did not enjoy running in the middle of the day. "Come on Furuya!" I yelled over my shoulder. "I'll become the ace in no time if you can't even do this!" A fire lit in Furuya's eyes and just like that, he took off again. The burden of running for so long no longer affecting his body. I slowed down my pace a little and just watched how his back continued to go farther and farther away from mine.

"_Cause human beings are destined to radiate or drain"_

My mom used to say I was her ball of energy and sunshine. What would she say if she saw me now? I don't smile as much. Things have started to get to me more easily. I just drag my feet, one in front of the other nowadays.

"_What line do we stand upon cause from here it looks the same?_

_And only scars remain"_

Where do we stand with each other? I don't feel anything but the cold anymore. Furuya looks bored when he looks at me. I locked myself in the bathroom while he is finishing up to leave for the weekend. Looking in the mirror, I don't recognize the man in the mirror. The brown mass of hair lays flat on my head. My eyes appear dull. Noticeable fatigue around my eyes. I see the very few physical scars I have. One on my back from when I fell out of a tree when I was six. One on my side from a fight when I was nine. And a few scratches here and there along with callouses from my years of baseball. But scars are not just on the outside. The ones within me feel painful and raw.

"_Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels_

_I drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills"_

I come home from my double shift at the club where I work to be able to afford this place…and college, I add bitterly. Furuya is humming, seemingly happy as he walked up and kissed me. I could taste the alcohol and look over to find the beer that he had. But instead, I was surprised to find an empty wine bottle…with two glasses.

"_And all the ones that love me, they just left me on the shelf, no farewell"_

Could it be that even Furuya has officially moved on from me? Does he always invite someone over when I'm not around? The pain in my chest continues to expand.

"_So before I save someone else, I've got to save myself"_

I started playing the guitar a little more each day. It was my only sanctuary from everything that was going on around me.

"_But if I don't then I'll go back to where I'm rescuing a stranger_

_Just because they needed saving, just like that"_

I throw a baseball hard into the net. It's past hours, so I'm alone where I can think and vent out on my frustrations. I need this. Like a baseball player dying of thirst. I need to do something for me. Just me.

"_Oh I'm here again, between the devil and the danger"_

I look at the club that I work at. Never had I come here as a customer. Can't even remember the last time that I had a drink at all. But it's either go back to a cold apartment or feel a warm buzz from the alcohol.

"_But I guess it's just my nature"_

Tonight, I chose the liquor.

"_My dad was wrong, cause I'm not like my mum_

_Cause she'd just smile and I'm complaining in a song, but it helps"_

My dad used to think I was just like my mom. Grandpa was right though. I'm more like him and my dad. Mom would let it slide and let it roll off her shoulders like the breeze. I even wrote a song to express my feelings throughout this past year. I needed to do something before I started getting ugly with others.

"_So before I save someone else, I've got to save myself"_

I sit down at the bar and order the strongest thing they've got. While waiting for the bartender to fix my drink, I look over at the stage. Some guy was singing some new pop tune.

"_Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels"_

For at least one night. Just one night. Did I want this pain to go away. To be forgotten for a few hours.

"_Or drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills"_

I drink my first drink in three minutes. The second in two minutes. The third, fourth, fifth, and the rest keep going down faster than the last. Somewhere in between knocking back the burning alcohol, I got up on stage and sang my song to Furuya.

"_And all the ones that love me, they just left me on the shelf, no farewell"_

A familiar raccoon looking bastard was helping me sit upright on the bar stool. He saw me after I sang the song I wrote about Furuya. "You left me." I accused with a slur.

"I know," came a soft sincere voice. It sounded almost as broken as mine.

"_So before I save someone else, I've got to save myself"_

I couldn't help him right now though. I needed to mend and heal myself first before I could help him.

"_And before I blame someone else, I've got to save myself"_

It's not his fault though. It's not even Furuya's. There's no one to blame. I just need to save myself from this darkness.

"_And before I love someone else, I've got to love myself"_

And before I fall in love with Miyuki Kazuya for a second time…I've got to learn to love myself again.

_A/N: Next Chapter is Miyuki's P.O.V._


End file.
